I had a shit day

That's a line from a Pink song, but it's twoo! So twoo! I had a terrible shit day.

And I guess I'd better say right now that if you don't care for profanity, you probably don't want to read any further.  And I mean foul filthy profanity. So if you keep reading, don't blame me if you're disgusted.


My sister has a veritable gift with profanity.  She can come up with the most terrible awful strings of profanity that make strange sense. This usually happens while she's driving.

Like the day that we were going to Dallas (neither of us likes driving in Dallas, but she hates it more than I), and some woman wouldn't let us get onto the tollway no matter what, just one of those spiteful people bound and determined that the road was all hers and no one else's. Liz bellowed, "I'm sorry I don't have any fucking floo powder!" or something of that nature--the phrase "fucking floo powder" is what made me get a terrible deadly urge to laugh. Deadly because I knew if I laughed she'd kill me.  So I bit my lip and stared determinedly out of the my window until 10 minutes or so later she finally gave me permission to laugh, at which point I laughed my ass off.

Another notable phrase of hers was "shit-faced ass fucker."  Yes, that's another profanity shrieked at a driver who undoubtedly deserved it.  SFAF for short. I'll let her tell you what the abbreviation also stands for, because she was as quick-witted in that as she was in the original.

Me, I can write up a storm, but my swears are sadly commonplace.  But today, as I said earlier, was a shit day.  So my swears got a little more inventive, although never as good as hers.  I don't remember what provoked it, but I called something a son of a shit sack.  Then later on I was furious at someone on the freeway (yes, we Webb sisters suffer from teh road rage), and referred to him as a mother fucking bitch face.

While I'm really glad my mother was nowhere within ear shot, I will confess to getting the most insane fit of the giggles trying to figure out what the hell I meant by that. Then I cried because I've worked 36.5 hours in the last 3 days and I'm totally exhausted physically and emotionally.

I wish I could make myself stop swearing, but some days it's the only thing that keeps me sane.